Howdy Golly Gee I'm annnn Amuurican

Observations, strictly observations and not criticisms, of the British people and their lifestyle.

-Lack of mixer taps in the average English loo. Also, the word loo. For my all Amuurican comrades who don't know what a mixer tap is, that's because you've always had them. The idea is that when you go to wash your hands, face, feet, knickers, retainer, ect, you have a cold tap and a hot tap and only one spigot. So you can masterfully adjust the knobs making your water as hot as Ryan Gosling, luke warm like day old milk, or cold like Chris Brown's heart. However, most loos on this island have a sink, and then a cold tap and hot tap, each with it's own spigot. So the water is either as scalding hot as the child of John Legend and Ryan Gosling would be, or as icy cold as Valentine's day for all but 16% of the population. And never the two shall meet. I don't like it.

-The British decided that paying a shit ton of money for hot air to blow through a cylinder filled with clothes was stupid. So they hang dry their laundry, outside in nice weather and inside in bad weather. And the tumble dryer stays off or doesn't exist. And it only takes two minutes longer, you save money on energy, you save the planet, you save your clothes from being cruelly and uselessly shrunk, and you feel like a good and quality person. It's great.

-Cake. Cake has been taken off the special occasions shelf and has been gloriously introduced into casual living. Having a bit of cake or cake after tea is just standard. Everywhere sells cake. And none of them have stupid cursive birthday messages on them. Because cake has graduated from just the holidays to beautiful, everyday consumption.

-Vegetables. None. Maybe it's just because I'm here and making observations in winter. But seriously. The food has been great and I'm really grateful to everyone that has been feeding me, but I think I go days without eating something green. That being said, I only miss it sometimes...

-Everyone here drinks tea and thinks about tea as much as I do. And they offer it to me often enough that I actually get it every time I want it. And drinking a cup roughly once every 20 minutes is the norm. I feel understood and accepted and caffeinated.

-Holidays. They take them, love them, and still get paid. And that's why the British work force is happier (I don't actually know if that's true but I'm taking a leap of faith here).

-Stay sexy, forget warmth. In every city I've been in, any time I'm out at night, sure as the selfies on instagram and the sass of Beyonce, there will be too many women trying to go out wearing lots of stuff on their faces and not nearly enough clothes. Gurl, you think your heels are bad now, just wait till you get frost bite. And if your lady parts freeze because your skirt forgot to cover them, it's really going to put a damper on your hook ups this evening. Tights? Not even tights? Ice titties are no joke. Cover up ladies, you can take it out when you get there, otherwise you're just going to arrive with blue lips, seven toes and nipping.